Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
