well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
