At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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