we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
