You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
