Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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