Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
