I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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