I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
