i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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