there's paper in my vomit.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
