I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
