you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
