Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
