I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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