Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
