But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
