Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i think i have two assholes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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