I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
