There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize