If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
