He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
