I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
