her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
