I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
