dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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