break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
