i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
