kristin has been a bad kristin
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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