so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk is not a location!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
soo... how was my night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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