saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
