Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
