I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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