I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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