fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
