Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
