Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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