I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
