I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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