dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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