I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
