I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
