I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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