Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
