I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
