At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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