my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
NoShamevember. You game?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
