Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize