and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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