Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
