I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My vagina just clenched in fear
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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