but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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