Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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