: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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