Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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