I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
