There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
