So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
