I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
