what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
