Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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