so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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