I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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