JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
