Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize