I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Never underestimate the power of titties
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
